| even though everything seems to be fine |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|08:55 pm] |
i wake up, it's a bad dream,
no one on my side,
i was fighting,
but i just feel too tired to be fighting,
guess i'm not the fighting kind.
wouldn't mind it,
if you were by my side,
but you're long gone,
yeah, you're long gone now. |
|
|
| back to normal |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|12:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  relieved | ] |
i am relieved that i feel somewhat loved again.
i can't make up exactly what happened that made everything fall back to place, but i'm fixed.
we're fixed. we're good.
now i can't wait for the weekends to come again. |
|
|
| letting go |
[Jul. 19th, 2008|02:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
the sweltering heat isn't doing me any good.
i drive straight home even though i am suppose to go meet up with bo.
it's too intense being under the sun and i am not exaggerating when i say i feel like i am melting.
i'm gonna take it easy today.
i am trying to let my expectations die down.
he doesn't have to see me if he doesn't feel like it, and surprisingly part of me isn't really up to seeing him either.
i've concluded that i care too much but am not getting the same in return.
i've concluded that i should just sit back and let him make his moves now.
and then if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't we move on like everybody else.
we cry, we hurt, we wanna die,
but nobody ever dies. |
|
|
| i've never been good with departures |
[Jul. 9th, 2008|12:34 am] |
in between then and now, i found a boyfriend :) and lost a few friends :(
i tell myself that it doesn't bother me, but it does. |
|
|
| bobo's the bomb |
[Aug. 9th, 2007|12:37 am] |
i spent the whole day online shopping today.
i bought nothing, but now have a very long wishlist.
$$$
bobo's been the sweetest thing ever.
she bought for me songs i lost on my ipod.
as a surprise
:)
tomorrow chongkee comes home.
and i'm excited although i just saw her a few weeks back.
my social circle is as tiny as my belly button.
but i'm okay with it.
who needs more friends, when i already have the greatest ones. |
|
|
| yesterday i had everything, today i have none |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|01:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | fucked up | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nothing. because its all gone. | ] |
fuck fuck fuck.
just in an instant, a milisecond, and everything's gone.
puff. like magic.
now my ipod stares back at me blank.
blue lights all over.
it's 20GB waiting to be filled up.
and i don't do anything.
i don't trust it anymore.
i'm just gonna let it sit there and die.
the songs that kept me company through all the lonely nights in boston,
the songs that sang to me while i walked to uni,
the songs that comforted me through all my heartbreaks,
the songs that made me dance in my shower,
the songs that made me feel like i could do anything,
the songs that went with me on all my trips,
the songs i listened to on land, water and air,
the songs that tucked me to bed,
the songs tha ran with me late at night back from lionel, pearly and mel's apartments,
the songs that went on picnics with me,
the songs that assured me i would survive the finals,
the songs that ate cheesecakes with me,
the songs that went groccery shopping with me,
the songs that went on T rides with me,
the songs, those songs....
fuck we had a relationship going on man.
and now it feels worst than a breakup.
because it hurts to try and recall what i had in there.
and it sucks having to loose them in just one pull of a cable.
without a backup.
fuck.
apple. you dissapoint me like fuck sometimes.
p/s: i obviously haven't gotten over boston. |
|
|
| i lost my faith a long time ago |
[Jul. 25th, 2007|11:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  grumpy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jesus loves me this i know | ] |
today i went furniture shopping with mum for our new house.
a whole solid 8 hours!
outcome? lights for the living room, a chandelier for the dining, lights for the porch, a bed and some deco items.
it's really tiring picking out all these items.
i think i stressed my brain a little trying to decide on the color, size, placement, and style of it all.
when we came home, cloud lunged at us like he always does.
but after a good 5 minutes or so, he went into hiding under my bed.
minutes later, we found out he pooed in the kitchen.
this is the downside of having a dog.
who lives inside your house.
and does stupid things when he doesn't get enough attention.
later in the evening, dad questioned us on how much of his bank account we consumed.
i told him. he shrieked.
i study music. i can only count up to 4.
sorry. i bought you a nice bed though with your money :P
he didn't seem impressed at all.
during dinner, mum nagged me for not being pious.
i hate it when she starts talking about heaven and hell.
and how she makes it sound like i am headed for hell.
i find it so ridiculous, it makes me sick.
so i go upstairs and play depressing music. loud.
and i lay in bed and stare at the ceiling.
and suddenly, going to hell doesn't seem that bad anymore. |
|
|
| i'm doing just fine |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|04:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
i've been so busy with work, i feel there's hardly a day where i get to sit back and just do nothing.
or just laze around the house watching the rain and enjoy cloud's company.
but i need the money.
there's now me and cloud to support and that dog is expensive.
yesterday night, i spent an hour or so tongue-lashing with the ex.
ended bad. he said i was so ugly inside, i disgust him.
he told me he has been sleeping around and that it feels awesome.
i told him i would not stoop that low.
i didn't cry. i think i'm doing just fine.
tonight i get to pig out like crazy.
buffet. food. pastries. oysters.
i need to get fatter.
it's depressing being so skinny you can't find clothes. |
|
|
| there's only so much i can take |
[Jul. 7th, 2007|05:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pissed off | ] |
i amaze myself everyday.
there's so much of you to hate.
your words. your fucking words.
so full of sarcasm and vengeance.
i think you'd do anything just to get even with me.
just to punish me, and watch me cry.
and yet i still find space in my heart to sympathize with you.
if only i had the heart to hurt you.
i'd tell you in your face to fuck off and die.
oh but before that, maybe you could pay up your debts.
fucker. |
|
|
| and just like that, my heart closed |
[Jul. 5th, 2007|11:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | full | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cloud: chewing on his bone | ] |
i've been preoccupied.
somewhat preoccupied.
with work. with my life. with my thoughts.
today, we had our rounds of meaningless entanglements.
you tried to stay abit after but i don't see the point.
it's obvious we don't love each other anymore.
not like before. nothing's the same like before.
i took cloud for his long awaited car ride after.
it's so easy with a dog.
they love you unconditionally.
bobo sent me a postcard today.
she tells me america sucks but everything's great with her and rob.
and i am happy for her.
we all find love in unexpected places.
with the strangest people.
sometimes, it's a good thing,
and sometimes, it's not such a good thing,
but i have loved you for the longest time
and i can't give two fucks about it anymore. |
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